Lunchtime

When I was on my placement year at HP, we used to have the best canteen. It had really great food for muchos cheap prices. The pie and the sausages were best...mmm. I think there was some kind of pudding I really liked too, but can't remember...maybe it was the apple crumble. During our lunch break we used to eat food (*shock*), and the go for a walk and a chat. This was partly because HP had a nice walk around it with some tress and grass and stuff, and partly so that the smokers could smoke. It was really nice in the summer. Since working in Keynsham I've never been for a walk at lunchtime, simply because everyone sits around chatting. This lunchtime I decided that I just wanted to get out and have a walk and chat to God about some stuff..so I did! Keynsham is a small town just outside Bristol, and my work is just outside Keynsham..so we're pretty much in the country. For reference, there is a cabbage field next to the carpark, and we regularly have to squeeze past tractors on our way down the lane to the main road.

I wandered down the lane and turned towards Keynsham. I noticed straight away that Keynsham cemetary was on my left - practically next door to the office!! I've been here 18 months and never noticed that before. Hmm. I decided to wander around the cemetary. I don't know why, but it's kindof peaceful to just wander around, and look at the gravestones. So many stories, so many memories. I think it's partly because cemeteries are generally peaceful places, and I just wanted a bit of peace and quiet so I could chat with God.

My old 6th form is right next to a cemetary, and when I was in the first year of 6th form and I was a bit stressed or feeling low, I'd just go for a walk in the cemetary. This was before I became a Christian. I remember I was upset one day and needed to get out, so I went for the cemetary. I was wondering around, reading the stones when a thought struck me. What's the point? Why bother with life? I'm gonna struggle for 75 years and then all that's left of me is this lump of stone with my name on - if I'm lucky! As I said, I wasn't a Christian at that point, and I kinda thought that when we died it then there was nothing. Nowt. Zip. We'd just cease to be. This really got to me, and really scared me. I didn't like the thought of just going to nothing - death was frightening. It probably didn't help that I used to be screwed up emotionally (loads of ups and downs), and looking back on it, I think I suffered from mild depression - I was not a happy 16 year old really!

Today, as I was wondering around the cemetary I just had a peace that I can only describe as coming from God. I looked at all the engravings on the stones and remembered what I used to think; what's the point in life? this is all that will be left, and it really showed me how much God's done for me. Wheras before, the graves showed me that "this little lump of rock" is all I could ever hope to achieve, now they show me a reason to live. They say things like "a wonderful and devoted husband and father" and "was dearly loved and will be sorely missed". These words aren't engraved just on gravestones, they're engraved on people's hearts. Some of these people had a huge effect on people's lives, and will be remembered for a very long time. Most of all, these words are engraved on God's heart. He was there when you were conceived. He was there when you took your first step, your first word, your first kiss. He's there for everything and I want nothing but to have these words about me engraved on His heart when I die. He is my everything, my all; I cannot be without Him, and I cannot be scared by death any more because He's taken it away.

I think I'm going to walk more often.