Tristan - enter the madness...

Wednesday, October 20

Three. Whole. Years.

Wow, it's been three years since I last blogged. Three years to the day! Well, what was I on about..

>>reads last post<<

Wow, off-roading, sitting in a fast jet, going to a comedy club and making cake! That'll be hard to beat! Well, let's see what I've been up to in the last few years...

- I went to Ireland & Mexico for the first time
- I went to Mexico again
- Was best man for my best mate
- Saw my brother get his wings

- Went to New York, New York!
- Went to my first air show
- Went to my second air show
- Went to my third air show!
- Lis and I separated so she could have some "space"
- Visited Ukraine

- Went skiing in Italy (with my family)
- Went to Amsterdam (first on my own, the met up with my family)
- Went to Cyprus (for the first time - with my mates)
- Gave Lisa time, space, benefit of the doubt
- Jointly decided to get a divorce
- My Nan passed away

All in all, it's been a really tough few years. This has been countered with some great experiences and travelling to some amazing places.

I've been broken, I've been stretched and I've been pushed to my max. I've also been supported by some amazing friends, some fantastic family and learned a lot about myself through them and through God's guidance.

While my wife has gone, my heart torn to shreds and my nerves pulled apart, I've been blessed more than I can imagine by having better friends than I could have imagined and learned more about myself than I have in the last ten years.

Here's to a fantastic year ahead of new beginnings, new challenges and a brand new life.

Saturday, October 20

One Year

Hallooooooooo blogland!

So, how are you all doing!? I trust you are well!? It's been exactly one year since my last, rather in-depth, blog about spiders. It was such a hit that I've decided to do a followup post. The topic? Dunno...let's see where we go.

I've put Google Analytics on this page and here's a few facts about this page over the last year:
  • People still visit me...I average over a person a day!
  • 25% of traffic came here direct - you must have me bookmarked!
  • 24% of traffic came from Loz's blog!!
  • My most popular day was 20th of August 2007...I had 11 visitors that day!
  • The average time people spend on my blog is 26 seconds
The top 5 search terms are:
  1. shaun the prawn (4 hits)
  2. scortchio (3 hits)
  3. "eat divers" tristankoffee (2)
  4. enter the madness (2)
  5. reliance on technology (2)

Odd search terms include:

  • eat me tristan
  • giggidy
  • i'm a prawn again, tristan. i saw cod
  • is it safe for a cat to eat a mouse
  • toothpaste thespianism

What I've been up to

So, what have I been up to this past year? Notable things include:

  • going on a 2 week Spanish course in M├ílaga
  • working from 'home' in Northern Ireland
  • going on a off-roading day which included driving an off-road jeep, quad bikes, a reverse-steer Jeep and a Monster Truck....all for free!
  • sitting in the cockpit of a real Harrier
  • going to my bro's graduation and then going out on the town with the RAF boyz!
  • going to a funny comedy club
  • making brownies to rival the ones the Willy Wicket made (IMHO ;-))

Right, I'm off now...'til next year!

Friday, October 20


I think that spiders must be getting bigger as time goes on, because every time I hear someone say they saw a spider, it's always "the biggest spider they've seen in their life".

On this basis, I estimate that next one I see will be the size of a small elephant.

Saturday, September 30


It's not by what we do or don't,
It's not by what we say,
It's not by what we think we are;
It's simply by Your Grace

Wednesday, September 27

Shaun the Prawn

Shaun the Prawn was crawling along the bottom of the sea complaining to
his his prawn friend Cristian about the nature of the sea world and how
great it would be if he were a shark.
"Oh it would be great if I was shark", said Shaun. "With a flash of my
tail I'd rip through the water and eat anything that moved."
"It doesn't sound so great to me actually.", replied Cristian.
"Oh it would be great! What are talking about!", cried Shaun.
"Well, if you're that keen, you should go and talk to the Cod, he may be
able to help you."
So Shaun plods along on his scrawny prawny legs and finally gets to the
So he approaches and says, "I really want to be shark, it'd be great.
With a flash of my tail I'll scythe through the water and eat divers,
and barrels, and just about anything in the water."
"Are you sure you want to be a shark?", says the Cod.
"Yes, totally, I'd love to be a shark." replies Shaun.
"Ok!", says the Cod and with a nod of his head Shaun instantly
transforms into an immense white shark.

With a flash of his tail Shaun rips through the water and starts eating
anything that moves. Divers, air tanks, empty barrels.

Some time passes and Shaun starts to realise that being a Shark isn't
all he thought it would be. He doesn't have many friends, in fact he's
already eaten most of them. Shaun decides that he's had enough of being
a Shark and goes back to talk to the Cod.

"I'm fed up with being a Shark", said Shaun,"I really regret that you
changed me into one. I want to change back".

The cod nods his head in sensitive agreement but says quite sternly,
"Well, if I change you back, that's it, you change again, you'll have to
remain a prawn."

"Yes, yes, that's fine." said Shaun with an impassioned plea. So the Cod
nods his head once again and Shaun is instantly transformed back into a

Shaun is so excited about this he decides to go and tell his friend
Cristian, so he crawls along the sea floor and finally gets to his
house, he shouts excitedly for his friend. "Cristian, Cristian, it's me
Shaun, I'm back!".

Cristian meanwhile is shaking like a leaf inside his house and says,
"You can go away, I'm not going anywhere near you. You're a terrible
Shark and you're more than likely going to eat me!".

Shaun is distraught at this and so excitedly shouts back, "No, no, it's
ok. Don't worry, it's all Ok now. I've been talking to Cod and he's
turned me into a Prawn again, Cristian."

Tuesday, September 19

Buying Stamps On The Net

You can now buy stamps on the net!!


Thursday, August 31


Mmm, lunchtime is one of my favourite times of day. It's a chance to switch off from work and just relax (yes, I do work sometimes). In the past I've taken the time to blog, read, research, sleep, do stuff (like nip to the bank), Christmas shopping, meeting people for lunch and, occasionally, I eat.

Recently I've found a new lunch-time hobby. It started with the summer - I started going out and sitting on the grass with my lunch and snoozing in the sun. That's nothing new; I did that at both my old jobs (which luckily had grass nearby!). But, last week, I drove into work a couple of times (for the first time in 6 months) and discovered that the docks/harbourside are right behind my work place!!! So now I've been eating my lunch while I work (during the 10 mins before my lunchbreak) and then spending all of my lunchtime walking by the docks and sometimes just sitting there and relaxing - it's lush! You get to see wildlife (Seagulls, baby seagulls and pigeons), people (weirdos mostly..especially when I look in a reflective window), windows being washed by a dude on a crane, people hanging off of a crane in harnesses over the water (I want to try that!) and, best of all, lots of boats. Canal boats, tug boats, steam boats, yachts and (maybe one day) sail ships. I've always enjoyed sea-type things..especially the old sail ships like in Pirates of the Carribean. I don't know why, they just interest me.

Anyway, you should feel honoured because I walked back 5 minutes early so I could blog about it - and also to explain why I hadn't been blogging...because I'm out walking!!!!

Take care peoples, and remember...
save Pluto!!